It’s a fair question, but it’s not the right one. (More on that in a second.)
Here’s the thing: you’re going to want to have sex. And that’s a completely normal desire. In fact, it was God who created sex in the first place. Pretty crazy, right?
God invented sex specifically for the covenant of marriage.
The sentence you just read is why you might often be frustrated with well-meaning Christians telling you not to have sex. Because you hear things like “God doesn’t want you to have sex before you’re married” without people explaining why.
God isn’t trying to take away your fun or steal your joy by telling you that you shouldn’t have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite: God knows that sex is really powerful. Like a campfire that goes unchecked, it can burn a whole forest down.
Sex is binding. It doesn’t mean that if you have sex with someone you’re stuck with them, but it does mean you’ve given a part of yourself to that person.
Marriage is a covenant. That’s a fancy, biblical word for a binding contract. Marriage is meant to last for a lifetime, not just through high school, college, or while things are easy. Marriage is when two people stick together, in sickness and in health, for the rest of their lives.
That’s why God reserved sex for marriage. Because love—including sex—is always better in the context of a committed, I’m-not-going-anywhere relationship.
You might be thinking, “But I’m really committed to my boyfriend or girlfriend.” And that very well may be true. But just because you’ve read the contract doesn’t mean you’ve signed the agreement. Until you say, “I do,” you’re not fully bound to a relationship with that person.
So, back to our earlier question. You might wonder, “Okay, so I’m not going to have sex yet. But really…how far is too far? Like can we…?”
That’s an understandable question. But there’s actually a better one:
What story do I want to tell?
One day, when you’re sitting down with your kids or even your grandkids, don’t you want to be able to tell your whole story without leaving any parts out? You don’t want to have to avoid talking about that girl or that guy from senior year.
Now, listen. Stuff happens. And if you’ve already gone too far, know that God’s grace and forgiveness is real, and He still loves you and cares for you just as much. Because there is nothing that you can do to make God love you more or less. But you don’t have to keep making that same mistake over and over. In fact, there’s a Bible verse that compares making the same mistake again to a dog who eats its own vomit. Gross, right? But true.
Don’t let your mistakes define you. Let them remind you to start over and to start living God’s way.
So, think about it. What story do you want to tell?
They Can’t Complete You
God didn’t design dating (or even marriage) to completely fulfill you. And until you understand that, you will never be happy in a relationship, even if the other person is total #relationshipgoals.
Jeremiah 2:13 NLT says: “For my people have done two evil things: They have abandoned me—the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can no longer hold water at all!” In other words, your cup has holes it in, and water is spilling everywhere.
A lot of our dating relationships are like that. We want to be loved, valued, and cared for. We want to feel brave, strong, and respected. We’re asking our boyfriend or girlfriend to fill a void only Jesus can.
Every need you have can be met by Jesus. Every. Single. Need.
There is nothing you are lacking when you have Jesus—even if He’s all you have. In Christ, you have everything you need.
2 Peter 1:3 says that God has given us everything we need to live a godly life.
When you recognize this, your perspective on dating shifts entirely. Now, you want a boyfriend or girlfriend to draw you closer to Jesus, not to fill an emptiness in your heart.
If you’re currently dating someone, take a moment to ask yourself: am I putting this person in the place of Jesus in my life? Am I giving them more attention—maybe even worship—than God?
If you’re currently single, are you looking forward to a future relationship to “complete” you? (Real talk: It won’t.) Recognize that in every season, even while you’re single, God is more than enough.
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